zippers are such a cool invention
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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