Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
