I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
