Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
