a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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