note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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