It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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