I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
