Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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