He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
