I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
