Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
