dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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