coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
