I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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