I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
