Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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