So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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