We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
