Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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