I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I deserve this hangover.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
