So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
