I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
