lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
