the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
