I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
