Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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