I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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