remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
