laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
