Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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