were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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