Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
