The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
