I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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