Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They have beer where we have blood.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
