sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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