I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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