mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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