i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
