Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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