I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
In America we eat man semen.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
