so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
