I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
