He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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