with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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