just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
