just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize