Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
