Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
