ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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