I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
