Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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