I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
