Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
