I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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