sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
