I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize