I wish I only lived at night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
