went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
