Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
barbara walters just said penis...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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