Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
