im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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