I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
