Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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