Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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