Quick, to the slutcave!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
