i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
