fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
