So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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