if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
