I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
