yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
