I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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