Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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