i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
