Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
