super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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